[Big Matt]

How did I get this way? I feel so hopelessly addicted to vicodin. I've been using for about one year. I take about 10 5/500 pills a day. No one in my family knows about my addiction, but lately, I've been a mess. My girlfriend constantly asks me,"what's wrong.""You seem so down."And I say,"nothing, I'm fine."I love her so much. We live together and I treat her and her daughter really good. I just shift all the anger on myself. I just want to break down and cry and tell her that I love her and need help. The problem is that I can't afford rehab. I need some kind of outpatient help and my medical insurance doesn't provide good support in the area of chemical dependency. I'm a straight A student in college, I work full-time, and I have many hopes and aspirations. I know that if I can't get through this, I'll ruin my life and lose everything that's precious to me. Every fiber of my being hurts, and I wish that I had never touched the vicodin. Any advice?I know that I did this to myself. I know that this is my fault. I just wish that there was an easy way out. I wish that I can just cry on someone's shoulder. I don't even have a good friend that I can tell about this problem. I don't want to lose my girlfriend. She and her daughter are my life. I initially had the vicodin addicted for ear pain and the addiction snuck up on me.

[keep your head up]

Go to AA they help with more than just alcohol abuse and it's free, you sound like you have a desire to change, and you can do it.

[David in Madison]

There is no way to beat this by yourself. Go to your doctor and tell him you want treatment today. Then go to your boss and let him/her know that you will be taking a medical leave to deal with a severe addiction to pain medication. You have to be honest with the people who should know what is going on. You don't owe an explanation to anyone else. If your girl friend is as supportive as you make her sound, this isn't a deal breaker for her.Suck it up and make the decision to get straight. Don't use you education, your insurance, your job or her to rationalize what is only going to get worse if you don't have the balls to take hold of your life. Do it today.The next thing I have to say to you is that you have made a great start in getting your life back by writing this question here on Yahoo. If you lose a semester of college to regain your life, how could it be anything but the right decision. That's a statement, not a question.

[Shenva]

The first step with addition is realizing that you are addicted. Sit your girlfriend down and have a heart to heart with her. Tell her that you want to get better but don't know where to turn. I'm sure she will help you!Depending on where you live, there are tons of out-patient clinics that can help you. Do a search on treatment centers in your area.Good luck and remember, you are not alone. People are out there that can help you!

[deb]

My heart goes out to you. I have dealt the past 2 years with my daughter that had a meth addiction. So I can tell you from experience that your girlfriend would much rather you be honest with her than to try and cover it up. You need her help and if you plan on being with her for a long time you need to learn to ask her for it. She knows that when you tell her nothing is wrong that you are not telling the truth. I bet there are all kinds of scenerios going through her mind. So withholding information from her is only going to make matters worse. She evidently cares for you and wants to take care of you as much as you want to take care of her. You also should go back to the doctor that prescribed the vicaden and tell him everything you said on here. You have already taken your first step by admitting that you have a problem and that you want help. He can help you with this. Talk to him about what your insurance covers also. He can work around it. Also check some churches in your area. There are many churches in my area that are now offering free help for people addicted to drugs. There are also government programs that base the charge on your income and insurance. None of it may be an"easy way out"but be persistant. You are fighting for not only your life but for the lives of those that care for you. And don't beat yourself up too bad over this. You aren't the first person to get addicted to prescription drugs and most likely won't be the last. What's most important here is that you desire a better life for yourself and have probably learned a good lesson. I wish you all the best and my prayers are with you.

[thatguy]

the person that said you cant beat it by yourself is correct. You wont win on your own. Tell your GF, if she truly is there, she wont care. Best bet is tell someone who cares so they can help you get through it