[graciebaby]

I apologize for the extremely long post, but I have a huge problem and I really need help. Basically, I'm destroying my life, and I don't know what to do. I'm recently accepted the fact that I'm a sex addict. Let me give you some background about me so you can understand where I'm coming from - For most of my adult life, I've hooked up with random women, solicited prostitutes, and even hooked up with transsexuals. I've had unprotected sex more times than I care to remember, and I know that I'm eventually going to destroy my life. When I'm not hooking up with random people, I'm constantly surfing porn and masturbating. Now you might think I'm some desperate weirdo who lives in his mom's basement, but I'm the total opposite. I'm 34 years old, and I'm not trying to brag, but I'm good looking and I work out a lot, plus I'm really fun and social, so people like hanging out with me. On top of that, I'm really successful at my job and I make a lot of money, so it makes it really easy to meet women.

I thought I would never be in a relationship, but 3 years ago I met a wonderful woman. She was beautiful, smart, sweet, and gave me her whole heart. I thought I could be a good man, so I committed to her with every intention of being faithful. I was extremely faithful to her for the first 2 years of the relationship....I didn't flirt with any women, and I didn't cheat on her at all. However, I still masturbated regularly, and found myself fighting the urge to pick up my old lifestyle. Over the past year, I started to slip more and more....eventually, over the past few months, I fell back into my old habits, and began to meet random people for sex again. I solicited prostitutes, even transsexual prostitutes. The only improvement here was that I did use protection because I didn't want to pass on anything to her (somehow, someway, I have no STD's). One morning I was checking e-mail, and I accidental left it open, and left to work. My girlfriend found it, went through it, and found that I had been exchanging e-mails with a woman and a transsexual. She confronted me about this, and I told her that we had just been exchanging e-mails, and that I wasn't going to meet them (which was true for this instance, I really hadn't met them). I told her that I was just using them to get off. Long story short, she didn't believe me. She left me, and I now realize that I need help. I cut off all communication with everyone I hooked up with over the past 3 months, and am trying to be clean again, but now with her gone, my urges have come back stronger than ever and I feel that I just can't control myself. I know this makes no sense, but I'm in so much pain from her leaving that the only thing that makes me forgot is getting lost and fulfilling dirty fantasies.....except once they are over, I feel worse than ever before. We haven't talked since she left...I apologized and begged her to forgive me, but I don't think she's going to forgive me.

I have a few questions....one...am I a sex addict? Or am I just extremely weak and have no control of myself? Are my thoughts normal, or am I sick?

Either way, I want to stop my behavior, but I don't know how. Is there a therapist I can see? Does anyone have any experience or recommendations with this?

And the last thing, should I tell my ex-girlfriend the truth? I already saw how much I hurt her when she thought I was exchanging e-mails....she doesn't know anything about my past, and I don't know what good it would do to tell her at this point...I think it would just hurt her more. She doesn't know that anything physical happened...do you think I have any chance with her again? The thing is, even if she was willing to forgive me (which she isn't), I can't commit to her right now with myself like this....I won't be in a relationship again with her or anyone until I know that I can control myself...no way do I ever want to hurt anyone like this again.

And please, I know I'm wrong, so no rude or immature comments; I'm just looking for some guidance. I feel so horrible and so disgusting that I don't want to live with myself anymore.

[kaiors23]

too long baby Boy.
I'm sorry ):

[doc's wife]

try the 12 steps program for addictions no one wants to be in a relationship with someone that would rather be some where else either in mind or body that's a slap in the face to your partner been there trying to get over it

[Ca-C]

You can turn this around and change your life.

1. Yes, you are a sex addict.

2. You NEED to talk to someone if you want effective help. Don't think you can do this on your own because it obviously hasn't been working. I'm sure there is some kind of therapist that specializes in this sort of thing. You need to contact one ASAP.

3. If you want her back in your life or at least try, you HAVE to tell her everything and keep no secrets. I know it is hard to do but that is the only to do it. You need to stop living in denial and your own little world full of secrets.
I don't know if she will take you back. I don't know her or how forgiving she is. BUT; if you REALLY change your life around and start getting help, she just might take you back. The least you can do is try.

Good luck. You are not alone in the battle of temptation. You can change this though. You are still young, successful, and have a lot going for yourself. You need to put this sex addiction behind you once and for all if you ever want to have a good relationship and a Happy life. Peace.

[CoutreeXChiccxx<3]

I think that once sex (or anything else for that matter) starts causing problems in your life with relationships or work - that's a serious problem.

You've already taken the first step, which is to admit there's a problem and start looking for help. Good for you!

Please find yourself a good therapist and find out what this is all about so you can put it in proper perspective and take control of your life. You are right - if you don't address this right now, it will cause more hurt.

You're not a bad person, and I admire that you are willing to work on this in order to be the kind of person you want to be. Do this for yourself first.

As far as telling your previous love - therapy will help you decide in this matter.

God bless you. You are a child of god, and as such are loved. Sometimes you must forgive yourself for being human.

Good luck to you in therapy!

[donna_luvs_pc]

i think you are a sex addict i also think you are weak, your thoughts are somewhat sick. i don't like people that are obsessed with sex and i especially don't like cheaters they are worthless pathetic people who have no care to others feelings, I'm sorry if me saying this seems mean and hurts your feelings. you have no idea how they feel when you cheat on them its a much worse pain then you think Ive never been cheated on but my dad cheated on my mom a lot and lied about it, it hurts, and how much they hate you after. and when you cheat on someone they will never love you the same even if they take you back its not the same always worried and no trust towards you. and how can you even stand sleeping with prostitutes and how can you jack off to porn? doesn't it feel cold? like there is no connection towards those people you sleep with them and they never even care about you one bit its just a "job" they are worthless and horrible people. I'm so sorry that you do this i really hope you can stop and i hope that you never have children and cheat because your not just cheating on the mother your cheating on the whole family and that is much worse. maybe you should see a doctor or counselor i hope you understand that what you do is wrong, its OK to enjoy sex but you should enjoy it with a real love connection its so much better. i hope things bet better for you.