[Mary K]

I am his stepmom. He is in college, lives off campus with friends, and we help him with expenses. His mother helps;she is much better off financially than we are so she gives more cash out of hand for tuition etc. and we pay her back. I saw some text messages on his phone (long story) and one read,"there's no f***ing way that s*** was 150, I gave you 20 and I'll give you 90 more cause that's all I got"and one from someone else says"whats up bro any doses floatin around"....I know dose to mean lsd,and am guessing the other message was about pot. I am not even as concerned about pot smoking as I am about the idea of him dealing and all the dangers involved. The lsd is another matter; steals your soul and all that...very scary and unpredictable. At best, he is the go-to guy for knowing where the drugs are...could the money text mean anything else ? Perhaps he sold a cord of wood? Haven't confronted him yet; want to say he has to move home but he is 18. Mom could be a problem.His dad knows; he’s trying to figure it out&I’m waiting, gathering info&ideas. I’ve been around since he was 7, with 50/50 custody, not a weekend stepmom, helped raise him, did all the things a real mom does, worked hard to support our blended family. The parenting is done together, so it is also my problem. We get along OK w/ his mom,&intend to tell her about all this. She is more permissive&I can see her warning our son we’re onto him, or agreeing to cut him off but not really doing it b/c it makes her feel bad. I know we can’t make him move home but coercing by threatening to tell his girlfriend’s parents (he would be mortified), his landlords (who are 1 roommate’s parents…and how could the roommates not be involved?) or finally the police, might work.I don’t believe we’re powerless,&there’s got to be middle ground between doing nothing and reporting it to the police. Thanks for bringing me up to date w/drug lingo and for all of the other thoughtful answers.I'm sure that more people know about this than he realizes&it's probably only a matter of time before he is caught. I'm sure he doesn't think of the danger to himself&to others (drugs, money, strangers, weapons) or legal trouble he will bring on his landlord, who he has known since he was a little kid. Probably doesn't think, either, about how emotionally unhealthy living a double life is, where he is essentially lying all the time, or the social stigma in this small community, that he will be branded a drug dealer&that it affects our reputation as well. ("Where are his parents?!"like we say about other kids.)I did drugs sometimes from 17 to 30 yrs or so, no addiction, no big problems, just foolish behavior, bad decisions&regrets, so I'm not coming from a place of total innocence or ignorance. My husband never tried anything, but his ex (the mom in this case) developed a cocaine problem&he didn't know until it was really bad b/c he didn't know what to look for.I keep going on about this b/c it seems to be therapeutic. When I said 17 to 30 years in that last entry, I meant years of age, not years total. When I brought up reputation, don't get the idea that it is near the top of the list of my concerns; it's just one more layer to all of this mess. I used to be one of those people who said using drugs was a victimless crime, and now I find it is absolutely untrue. I never dreamed of it affecting this many people, or causing this much heartache and so many levels of trouble.We are going to talk to our son on Sunday when he was scheduled to come over anyway, and we will talk to his mom about it after we find out what is going on. My husband didn't want to fly off the handle about it; he needed time to calm down and not do or say anything stupid. I'm just trying to stay sane until then and try not to get too worked up. I keep hoping it could all possibly mean something else, and that I am just mistaken. I have so much guilt that maybe we didn't talk to him enough about drugs and didn't keep him home more that last year of high school. I guess we didn't want to make him stay home and be bored with us just for the sake of making him stay home when he could be with his friends. There didn't seem to be a reason to; he was never in trouble, never got in late. Maybe it all happened when he spent the night at friends'houses.Looking back, I feel like we lost him at about the time he started closing his bedroom door. All we can do now is try to correct things.

[criolla80]

What can you do really? He is 18.You can confront him about it, but he will most likely deny it. I am sorry but I am sure that he will lash out and rebel. Here comes the time for tough love: If you are 100% sure that he is selling drugs, get his biological mom involved. Together, you might be able to come to a solution that involves cutting him off financially until he gets on the straight and narrow.

[JephC]

Make an anonymous call to the police and let them investigate...to be honest, with dealers or potential dealers you need to be harsh and give them a good scare early. If it means criminal consequences, well, so be it, but remember, giving him a hard scare early will very likely save him a lot of future pain from other dealers, police, gangs, and so on, and may also save him from the responsibility of hurting others. Sometimes to save someone you have to crack the whip hard.

[yani]

Call his mom and his dad (your Husband) ASAP and tell them all. Even the fact that you were snooping around cos you suspected something. You will need help. you can't sit around and let this boy ruin his life....you might not be sure but the only way to find out is to be a 100% sure. If he is into drugs then he will need intervention and HELP. A rehab center will be able to help him out. But you must tell people of your suspisions. Don't sit on them. ACT NOW.

[crazyAntics]

I think you've move past that talking about route. Just do something to help him. Get him to rehab or something. Talk also to the biological mom, maybe you both can figure something out.