[rosemaya]

I am in my second year at Uni. I enjoy my course i suppose, and dont find my work too boring, at the moment I don't have any severe money problems (or any less than most students do), but i feel so horribly miserable I'm finding it quite hard to cope.When I go home for the holidays I feel so much better and like my old self again, however when I have to come back within days I feel so miserable and constantly tired and don't see any reason to get out of bed. I hate moaning at friends and try to just stay in my room because when I hear myself talking I feel like a boring loser.I have started taking drugs pretty regularly as I find it easier to explain away by being stoned or on a come down, also doing pills and ketamine and other drugs makes me feel happier for a short period of time. Obviously I know this isn't a long term solution and is probably only going to make it worse.I don't want to say I'm depressed because it sounds self indulgent as I understand that I am a very lucky person. I have epilepsy and often have blackouts and'episodes', this makes me feel quite spaced and dreamy and i think is probably what initially made me start feeling kind of cut off and dysfunctional.Moreover, the people I have met at Uni are incredibly different from my friends at home, they aren't as creative and free spirited, and I admit I have made little effort to make friends as I find them quite sheltered and dull. Hence I only have a few friends who I wouldn't like to talk to about this problem as I don't want to alienate or bore them.I need advice, I don't know what to do but I can't carry on living like this anymore.

[Rose]

You need to gain confidence in yourself!

[Rena]

Even if you were feeling this way prior to when you started taking drugs the drugs are going to enhance your problems and make it harder for a physician to help you.I would start by stopping the drugs, suffer a bit with your problems until your system is free of the drugs then go and see a doctor.There could be numerous reasons for you to feel the way you do. For example, even the amount of sun light you get on a daily basis could be affecting you. So using this as an example, is your"home"in a different state, city etc? Or maybe you are going outside more ?There isn't a way to help you over the internet but if you talk to a doctor he or she can help you but you need to first get clean.

[English P]

'I enjoy my course I suppose'is an indicator that you might not be committed to the particular course you are doing. Personally I suspect you're both depressed and homesick, and you might be questioning the future regarding the course you have chosen. You are an obviously intelligent person so I'm sure I don't have to tell you how dangerous it is for someone with Epilepsy to be taking recreational drugs - Ketamine is particularly dangerous. I suggest you need to talk to your GP and be completely honest, perhaps when you're feeling less depressed you can think about whether the course is right for you. I wish you better emotional health. :0)

[ponyexplodes]

I have kind of the same problem, if you have been going on like this, it would be better to get in touch with a professional, if you have the option to change courses halfway through the year, I would do it, I'm stuck doing this shitty course at college, I understand why it makes you feel crap.