[hayesatlbch]

Ive been in recovery and attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings for about 6 months. My question is how do I handle it when someone asks me to go out for drinks? I fully accept that I have a drinking problem and am working to maintain my sobriety. But, I'm not comfortable revealing these very private details to anyone that may ask me to go out for a drink. I don't feel tempted but I also don't want to be around people that are going out specifically to drink. At least not right now. Going out with co-workers and not drinking is like telling them I have a problem and I don't want to reveal my personal life like that. I also don't want to seem like Im antisocial. I don't want to label myself as an alcoholic to everyone. Dealing with life's pressures is hard enough without baring my soul to people that don't really know me.

I would appreciate suggestions and answers from people that have had to deal with this problem directly. If you're not in recovery please don't respond with some off the cuff, poorly thought out answer.
BTW, I haven't asked this question at the meetings. I've been thinking about it for a few days and thought I'd present it here.

[Serenxx]

Try to find other things to do with your friends. If they are a true friend they'll understand. Don't put yourself it a situation where you will be tempted

[Baghdaddy]

I personally tell my coworkers but I work in a restaurant where alcohol and drugs are rampant people actually ask questions and share stories. It is educational for some. You can say you are trying to take a break from drinking so much, don't feel too good, sorry prior commitment etc. You don't have to hide your problem if they talk s--t f--k them. Chances are somewhere in their families they have an addict. I am 8 years sober. Good luck! Keep work in it

[cinnamon girl]

Kudos to you for taking control of your problem. If you're not comfortable going out then don't do it. Michael D. is right, if your friends are true friends, they will understand and won't let you get put into a bad or uncomfortable situation. Stick to your guns right now. You're doing the right thing. If some asks you to go out for drinks just politely tell them you don't drink. You don't need to elaborate. If they ask why, just tell them it's something you don't partake in and leave it at that. If they still persist, tell them it's personal and it's not open for discussion (again politely).

[JulesAtWork]

some food for thought, there are other reasons why people don't drink. i don't think going to a bar where the main objective is to drink is a good idea for someone in recovery. it's almost impossible to avoid alcohol in most social settings and even at business luncheons etc. but at least drinking is not the main event. suggest a restaurant where you can opt out drinking and still enjoy the social aspects of dining with friends.

you always have the choice of what to order regardless of where you are. i chose not to drink because of my diabetes, but when i was at a business luncheon for example, these people would really bust my chops and pressure me to keep up with them. i would take the waiter or waitress on the side and tell them to please just give me what looked like a gin and tonic but actually was seltzer with lime in it. i said that if you work with me, I'll make it worth your while and would leave a generous tip.

sometimes, i would just sit at the bar and order coffee. people thought i was weird, especially when i brought my knitting. ended up a few others started drinking coffee and asked me to knit them scarves and hats. .

another thing i did when i was dating my husband and we went to the same club on a regular basis was to ask the bartender, who i got to know, to just give me diet Pepsi all night and when some would would say what are you drinking, I'd say rum and coke.

it's no body's business and if you want to tell a little white lie to avoid the peer pressure, just say you're on a medication and can't drink.

honestly though, it's no body's business and a simple 'no' should be enough. you don't owe anyone an explanation. i wish you success.

just wanted to add one thing: i think it would be good for you if you had at least one special person outside of AA that you can confide in. people that know and care about you will be supportive and i think that will be of help to you.

[sarahmusichomicide]

I'm surprised you can't get some practical, been there-done that answers to this from people in your AA group. If someone asks you to go out for a drink, they're asking for one of a few reasons. Maybe it's because you're part of a group and they want to include you in a group activity. In that setting, if you want to go with the group because they're your work buddies, you order whatever you're comfortable drinking. Or you say that since you don't drink, going out to a bar isn't something you care much for. It's up to you to decide if not going along with a work group will affect how things go on the job. If it has an effect, you might need to look for a workplace where drinking isn't "part of the job". Chances are excellent that most people in that context won't know or care what it is you're drinking or not drinking. If anyone comments, just say you don't drink. That's it. You don't drink. There are any number of reasons why a person doesn't drink. If they press for an answer, just say that you have good personal reasons and remember that if they press you for an answer, they're being a bit rude. Repeat that you don't drink. You can also turn it around on them, if they can't stop asking, and ask why it's so important for them to know. That will stop most people in their tracks because there is no good reason in most cases.

Someone might ask you out for a drink because they like you, want to further the acquaintance, and asking someone out for a drink is a common way of doing so. Then you say that you don't drink but you're quite content to socialize with a Coke or a coffee in front of you. If they ask why you don't drink, same rules as above. You can also suggest that a cafe or restaurant works just as well for you, maybe better, as a bar or pub. It's cheaper, anyway. If you also want to further the acquaintance and don't mind telling them one to one why you don't drink, that's easier to do with one person than with a group which is more likely to contain one jerk who can't leave the subject alone.

Some people are going to ask you out for a drink merely because they want someone to drink with, an excuse to drink. It won't be long before you learn to weed those ones out. They will think you're no fun anyway and won't ask again when they find out that you really mean it when you say you don't drink.

I'm not in recovery but have known a few people who are(and some who should have been), and I also know people who just don't drink for reasons I know nothing about. They just don't. If they don't volunteer the reason, I don't ask. Pushing people for information they apparently don't want to give out is rude and that applies to what they drink as well as what they eat or what they do with their money and a whole bunch of other subjects.

[nytebreid]

I'm a recovering alcoholic in my 5Th year of sobriety thanks to AA, all my true friends know that I'm an alcoholic, if I were you I would ask your friends at your next AA meeting for their opinions, they will all have had similar problems and will be only too glad to share them.

After completing the AA program of recovery, the desire to drink alcohol has been completely removed for me, I have no problems going to parties or social occasions like weddings etc. where others are drinking, I remarried a couple of years ago to a lady I met in recovery, our wedding reception was alcohol free, all our friends and relative know our past, the further you travel in sobriety the easier it becomes.

I don't however go to bars with people, friends or not if the sole purpose is to drink, there has to be a good reason.

Our program teaches us 100% honesty, if you don't like admitting your an alcoholic, just say you prefer soft drinks, that's the truth, or even that your allergic to alcohol, that's also the truth.