My father is an alcoholic.. Based on all my research so far, he's suffering from alcoholism.It's a disease (a mental condition) which prevents him to even consider the possibility that it's a problem. No matter what we try he simply refuses to get any kind of treatment.. He's already have had 2 strokes, is diabetic, has barely any energy to do any kind of work (even household) and it doesn't seem like he's willing to stop no matter what anyone says... I need someone to tell me if there's a way to legally force treatment on him.. I really need some help here so please let me know what I can do before he ends up killing himself.. Thanks.
Forcing treatment is usually the worst thing and you end up being the enemy and isolate the sufferer even further.
It is not possible to force treatment upon another unless it is medically necessary (IE an emergency). Alcoholism is not defined as a mental illness but rather a "disease" (although this is still a contentious label among some). So you cannot use the same mental health laws for treatment. Not in Australia anyway.
I know your situation entirely and sometimes doing this legally is the only way. It will be really easy to do if your under 18, or if you have a sibling that's under 18. you can go to your counselor at sh cool and tell them about your dad and ask about AA meetings, which is Alcoholics Anomynous. Or which may sound messed up but really isn't. but if you dad drinks and then drives somewhere you can call the police and report a careless driver and they can pull him over(which is anonymous..I hope i helped.
Do whatever in your power to prevent your dad from drinking, help him, he wants to be helped, its just that the disease as you call it has subdued him.Help him before its too late,I lost my dad to this disease and there is not a day I dint repent that I wasn't there to help him .
Usually, alcoholics know that they are, but they just don't want to be told. His denial is probably meant to try to protect you. Obviously, that's not working because you're worried sick. You cannot in any state force treatment of any kind on anyone unless you are the parent, and even that sometimes can be tricky. However, if you're willing to risk it, you can get him arrested and the state will force him into treatment. Keep in mind, that whether you get him on assault charges (and I hope that's not the case) or if you can get him arrested for drunk driving or public intoxication, these are all very expensive and he will have to go to jail. Sometimes, people need a good kick in the ass like that, though. I did. I have been an alcoholic since I was 12 years old. I have been "recovered" (sober) for almost 2 years (I am 28). There is still the possibility that he may not actually be an alcoholic and you're overreacting a bit. An alcoholic is not someone who drinks everyday, but someone who cannot stop when they start. It's a lack of control. Maybe your dad just likes to drink, or maybe he's going through a depressing time. You be the judge. Good luck!
"Oh Wonderful", first they tell you, your sick just for having a "cocktail" now and then, and then, now and then, again.
It's sick that anybody believes them, and the proof is in that those people want to punish and "jail" the supposed sick ones just for supposedly being sick.
"What a horrendous crime"
Do you know that the real criminals that were flying the planes on 911, Muslims won't even wear deodorant because it has alcohol in it !
Don't "booze-up" and fly.......... you might crash into something
Have you ever stop to think of the possibility that he drinks to get a little break and relaxation from having to live with all these sick people constantly "hounding" and "harassing" him with all their "mindedness".
Alcohol helps prevent "strokes" and "heart attacks" and
"up-tight" illness arr esters.
Even "Jesus" was a wine maker, and that wasn't even when it was necessary to prevent illnesses, that was just when the party ran out !
Drinking alcohol didn't kill "Jesus", The Roman Government in a "dry" state of the empire, first "arrested"(sound familiar)
him, then exacted capital punishment, just for doing things like turning water into wine.
You'd think he was Al Capone during prohibition the way those non-drinkers treated him.
Just now as I cracked open a cold, I got an absolutely
"brilliant" idea, like "Guiness" in a can.
We should have legislation mandating, "drinking", so there can be less crime, like arresting and killing the innocent.
I'm going to contact "Anheiser- Bush" right now, I'm sure with all of their financial power and influence, they'll be happy to, and do a great job in "lobbying" for such brilliant legislation !
Also, the legislator John Adams' brother Samuel.
Sorry about your dad, please don't take any of this serious, I just like to have a little fun with my "Textisism", it's kind of a way of life for me, kind of like my "Beer" !
I have to be "joking", otherwise it would probably be serious
"blasphemy", and I know "God" has a sense of humor..........
He made animals with names like "Platypuss" and
"Homosapien" even for the straight ones, like me !..... I am dammit, I am, I swear.........How come nobody ever wants to
believe me dammit............I was drunk, I passed out, it wasn't my fault, it wasn't my .............."Oh never mind".........Dammit !
I've worked with Allies for years. This is a familiar pattern. Family interventions are generally considered legal, but in 15 years I have never once seen it work.
I have come to the conclusion that this pattern is one of committing suicide without having to take responsibility for it. I used to be very compassionate toward such people, but if they don't ask for help, they can't be helped. Period. End of sentence. No buts.
It is you that I am concerned about. By having such a disregard for himself, he is bringing harm to those who love him. And make know mistake, he knows it. But on the other hand, no one can wreck your life unless you cooperate with them.
Can you get out of his way and refuse to play his game by his rules? When you can honestly answer yes, you have taken the first step to helping the person here who can benefit the most from your concern, you.
If the God thing isn't an issue, get to Alanon meetings, your local AAchapter will help you find meetings. You may benefit from CodA as well. If the God thing bothers you, leave the meetings a few minutes early to avoid the closing prayer. That's what I do when I go to AA.
Countless times I have heard recovering alcoholics say in meetings that the only thing that got them to their first meeting was that their behavior (which we all mistake for ourselves) no longer had any impact on family members who started attending Alanon.
I am struggling to find the right thing to say. I just lost my Dad at 55 to this. He has always drank beer, I grew up in the bar with him and started driving at 10 years old to get him home. (You can do that in a small town). In the last few years things in his life changed and so did the drinking. Beer moved into VO and water and then eventually the water part was only ice. He was drinking a half gallon a day of VO. (Whiskey). He worked hard everyday of his life...until he couldn't. I didn't live in the same town and so I only knew half of it. He was very tired and for about a year and a half was having spells and passing out. He would hit his head and it would be bleeding but he would Dennie anything was wrong.
I fought with him about it. I begged him to slow down. I begged him to at least eat more. I even tried using the grand kids ( that he loved) as a guilt tactic. He was an old cowboy set in his ways and there was no making a dent. He believed he was fine. He said the spells and lack of energy was from high blood pressure. He lied to his doctor about how much he drank so that she would diagnose things like "Low Potassium" and "High Blood Sugar." It was all crap...all of it.
The kicker is of course I knew but what could I do? I had shed years of tears begging him to consider me and my pain in watching him do this. I used to think he didn't care but now I know that he just didn't think it was that bad. It had to be something else. A few months before he landed in the hospital he was barely eating .Maybe two bites of a burrito at lunch and a piece of bread at dinner. He never drank water and stopped drinking iced tea. In fact he only made it when I came to visit. He had nothing in his body but Whiskey.
After 6 months in the hospital for complete nutrient depletion and brain damage from lack of sodium, we decided to honor his wishes against life support and he died June 28Th 2007 from brain damage caused by alcoholism.
Maybe me sharing this with you is part of my therapy - not to scare you. You are already there. I am not sure how old you are or how old your father is but you have to make a decision about you. If you are an adult and he is over 50 and single...you will be falling on deaf ears pleading with him. If you are young or he is still married then maybe an intervention or ultimatum is the only answer. Lock him in and take it away. Hire a private nurse to help him detox. It will be ugly but it may be the only way.
However, forcing him to get treatment can be far more complicated. When someone has that much alcohol in their body they have to be under constant medical attention to have their system restored and support through with drawl. Maybe family intervention is the answer. I don't know you so I hesitate to offer you this last piece of advice but let me tell you where I am and was.
I knew that my Dad was stubborn enough that I wasn't going to change him. He had a DUI two years prior, went to jail...that only made it worse- because then he stopped driving altogether, stayed home and drank more. So I vowed that I was going to enjoy my Dad however long I had him. I made a Menes in my heart that I could not and would not spend whatever time I had left begging him for anything . I had to let the control go, it was only killing me.
Sigh, I only had a few months left with my Dad that I acted on this "free the mind" behavior but I will tell you that I am glad I did. I miss him everyday and part of me is so angry but that is not the part that I can do anything about. He was in control of what happened to him and he knew it. His last week of life in Hospice I spent everyday just loving on him. I didn't get mad, I just loved him...it's all I had left.
I pray that you find a way to get through to your Dad. But just because of what the situation is...spend MORE time loving on him and laughing with him than you spend begging him to stop. Should something happen, you will be much better off for it. Tell him everyday you love him and tell him why. I am not saying to give up. It may be that you go get help for how to deal with it in all honesty.
Good luck. I know I didn't answer your question but these are things I would have told myself if I could go back and do so.
my father and alcoholism? -
03-13-2010, 06:07 PM
.
